Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Ugly felted clogs

Congratulations to Mom+SIS+Auntie for winning the movie line contest from Gladiator. The Count and I use both of those lines on a regular basis here in this house: "That vexes me. I'm terribly vexed" (spoken by the great Joaquin) and of course the classic "Are you not entertained?!?" We usually say that last line when we've done something for the other--like when I've brought the Count something he's asked for, or after I've made dinner. We've tried it on the kids, but they look at us kind of scared-like. Snaps to you, mSISa.

The next movie lines up for consideration are:

"You uncultured swine!"


"What are you looking at, you hockey puck?"

Good luck to all.

I finally felted the clogs that I knit up last January, and let me tell you, they are uuuuuuuuuugly. Not even mildly, but full-on ugly as sin. I was afraid of that. I think that's why I put off felting them for so long. First of all, it's hard for me to felt in my washing machine because I have a front-loader. No matter what I do, it always makes a terrible wet mess all over my laundry room. And felting two thick clogs by hand in the sink, agitating them for 20 minutes each until they shrink? You've got to be kidding me. The kids would immediately sniff out the fact that I would be busy for an undetermined amount of time and find the worst possible trouble to get into. And I don't know why I knit them in browns, because I don't really like brown. I guess I thought that if they got dirty it wouldn't really matter. But they look to me like two unshapely pieces of, well, poo-dee. I actually liked the look of the stitches before felting, but of course when something is felted you no longer see the stitch detail, because it all gets shrunken together. So without further ado, here are "the doo-doo clogs":

I don't know why I ever thought I would like to own a pair of felted clogs in the first place. I'm just not a felted clog type of person. I'm more of a fuzzy slipper kind of gal. Ask anyone that knows me, and they will tell you that you will never go wrong buying me a pair of fuzzy slippers. Preferably purple. In fact, that's what I'm wearing right this second: I guess the felted slipper fiasco belongs in the "I can knit that!" file, you know, the kind of ghastly thing you see in a picture and immediately start knitting it without thinking how horribly ugly and unusable and embarrassing to the wearer it will be. Yes, these things are ug-ly. Even my mother-in-law, the slipper thief, would not touch these. So, to my dismay, this is the first finished knitted object that I have made that I cannot stand. I can't even unwind them and use the yarn for something else because they've been felted. Maybe I could use them as firewood, perhaps? Or dust with them? Put one on each hand and go crazy cleaning all the objects in my house? Maybe the neighbor's dog needs a nose warmer? Or a pair of nose warmers? The one place you will NEVER see them again (besides in the awful pictures above) is on my feet. And before you tell me that they aren't so bad, answer this question: would YOU wear them? I didn't think so.

Chalk this one up to a learning experience. At least while knitting these, I got comfortable with doing short rows and mastered picking up stitches. Hey, I've got to find something to make me feel better wasting my time and money on all that Nashua yarn, which the pattern called for DOUBLE what I needed. Why do they do that? At least the yarn store was fine with taking back the extra skeins. Otherwise I would have been really upset.

In conclusion, that's knitting time I'll never get back.

Now for gratuitous cute baby picture to cheer me up:Sorry it's blurry, but remember the flash freaks him out.

Much love to all.


Tim said...

Ugh! They look like rather rotten potatoes!

Tim said...

Hahaha! I forgot to include my answer!! Its toy story, both said by Mr Potatoe Head. Maye thats why those slippers reminded me of potatoes.

Stephanie said...

TOY ST... shoot. :-(

Tam said...

Dang. I knew that one too.

Send those clogs to me and I'll put them through my kick butt washer. I have a washer that beats the daylights out of stuff and the biggest problem I have with felting these days is felting them TOO MUCH. Your clogs look like they just need a good butt-kicking felt. Now, I can't do anything about the poo-poo color but I'm sure my washer could improve the shape. Just sayin'. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Tam, be careful what you offer, because I could just take you up on that...