Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I am home, safe and sound.

Now that I've returned, I'm trying to find the balance between getting back to some sort of semblance of a normal life, and allowing myself to grieve. The sadness comes over me in waves.

I think that I'll be ready to do something, yet when I'm there I realize that I need to return to my cocoon.

My kids keep me quite occupied and provide a much-needed diversion. I'll be fine again, then memories come flooding back. It's like two steps forward, one step back.

But my brother knew I was tough. That I am strong.

But I never wanted to be this strong. To be able to survive this. Yet it's what I must do; for my mom, my sisters, my children, my brother's wife and children. For me.


Your Sock-ret Pal said...

Take it one second at a time. Take it from one who recently lost her mom, it's one of the hardest things you are going to have to deal with. Nothing anyone can say will prepare you for the emotions you will feel...and you WILL feel them ALL. But somehow you will find the strength to get to face it. You won't know where it comes from or how it got there, but you will find it. Hang in there and know that there are many out her in blog land that are grieving the loss of your hero right along with you.

Tam said...

We're here and we care about you. Feel free to vent or cry or wax nostalgic or whatever you need to do to get through this. It's going to be "jumping out and grabbing" you for a long time to come but I pray that it will get less painful as time goes on. Big virtual hugs!!

msubulldog said...

I'm glad to hear you arrived home safely. I've never had to deal with a close family loss, so I won't offer any advice except to say I'm a good listener if you need to talk. . . *hugs*
And thank you for sharing the "other" side of your brother. It was very touching.

DebbieKnitter said...

I agree with everyone on this too. You will grieve, in your own way, but you will be able to go on. It will hurt, you will cry, you will remember, you will laugh and you will continue to love, your supposed to!! You brother will always be a hero, in your heart and in your soul! My heart aches for you, I wish I could do something to help you.Hang in there, bloggin will help you, write as much as you want, I would love to read more. Hugs to you.

Jennifer said...

You have my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you and your family.

Angela Martínez said...

*hugs* to you Katrina.

Again, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. There's not a whole lot that anyone can say that will make it any easier, but do continue to post and talk about your brother. He will continue to live on through your memories, and I think we'd all be honored to share those with you.