Friday, April 07, 2006

On Sisterhood -- For A.

Sugar and spice and all things nice.
Perhaps. To an outsider.
...Siblings are more realistic. To them a
sister is naggings and needlings, whispers
and whisperings. Bribery. Thumpings.
Borrowings. Breakings.
Kisses and cuddlings. Lendings. Surprises.
Defendings and comfortings.
Welcomings home.

Her presence makes the room warm and alive for me.
I want to be where she is. It is not a very conscious
feeling - just a vague discontent with the
places where she is not. There is more life where she is.
I get up and follow her when she moves from one
room to another as one might unconsciously follow a
moving patch of sunlight in a room.

We have quarrelled, I know -
when someone kept knocking down the tower of bricks.
When someone went on singing while
the other tried to sleep.
When someone picked out all the chocolate biscuits.
We squabbled, I know -
over whose turn it was to scrape the cake mix bowl,
and who had taken the other's bike.
But it gave life an extra interest, didn't it?
And when there was an excitement, and adventure,
a surprise - we shared it.
And when there was a sadness, we shared that too.
Life alone would have been tidier and less fraught -
but without astonishments,
without plots and plans,
without sympathetic hugs.
Life without a sister would have been
far more lonely - and far, far more dull.

You borrowed my stockings - and
spoilt them.
I borrowed your shoes - and
snapped the heel.
From earliest childhood we staged a
war over possessions.
"Mine. That's mine! Mom! She's
got my dress on!"
Dolls and gym shirts.
Tennis shoes.
Lipstick. Knickers. Books. Cassettes.
Even boy friends.
And yet ---
Now that I have everything neat
and nice on shelves and hangers,
I sometimes long for you to come
around and rifle through my things
and say
"Oh look at this!
Can I just borrow it till Sunday?"

Your room still smells like your perfume.

My heart is full of love and sadness. Thank you, thank you for coming to my world and sharing my days. It already feels so empty without you. This pain I'm feeling now was so worth every minute I got to spend with you. I will be fine, you will be fine. We will not always live so far apart from each other. We will find ways to live our separate lives again, and find happiness and contentment while we aren't in each other's presence. But today I miss you. I miss you so much. -K.

this is an audio post - click to play


mamma said...

What a beautiful post. I'm glad to have you back.

Tam said...

Was it your goal to have us slobbering all over our keyboards?? Well, if so, you've succeeded. What a lovely post. I'm still glad to have you back. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I hope that's just one teensy-eensy-weensy bit of consolation. :-)

Lynda said...

Hi there- found you through Mamma's blog. Your post about sisters today was like reading my heart. My sister ALMOST moved away this last fall, so close, had a house and everything, and I didn't know what I was going to do, how I was going to make it. Thankfully, they stayed. I can only imagine how much you miss your sister, and I'm so sorry!

Luv2ReedGrandma said...

Today, I will miss her with you. I love you Sweetie. Mom **hugs**

Sandy Cheeks said...

I weep for your saddened heart.